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Embracing Pain


Solitude and The Divine Silence

Thank you to all who have been praying since my last post. I recently had to spend a few days away from home, and this time away from the routine allowed me to spend a lot of my time in solitude. It was exactly what I needed in order for God to breathe new life into me. On the morning after I arrived, God met with me in my solitude and quietly led me to the Psalms of David.

Psalm 88.13-15

But I, O Lord, cry out to you;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
14O Lord, why do you cast me off?
Why do you hide your face from me?
15Wretched and close to death from my youth up,
I suffer your terrors; I am desperate.

Psalm 27.7

Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud,
be gracious to me and answer me!
8‘Come,’ my heart says, ‘seek his face!’
Your face, Lord, do I seek.
9   Do not hide your face from me.

Although my circumstances were very different from David’s, I found myself relating to his desire for God to meet with him, and with his frustration with the silence he was receiving from God. I don’t know whether God was silent or if I was deaf, but the effect was the same. I wanted desperately to hear from God. I was thirsty for His presence and hungered for His fellowship.

The Dread of Divine Abandonment

A haunting feeling of dread accompanied me all day long as I considered the possibility that God had  abandoned me in my suffering. Had I sinned against God, causing Him to turn His back on me? What must I do in order to regain God’s favor? How do I repent if I have searched my heart and found no evidence of hostility against God and His ways? Was this all a result of my medication? Is it possible that the physical affect of a medication also affected my soul? Whatever the reason, I knew that I did not want to continue to feel as if God had abandoned me in my suffering.

The Divine Speaks!

After dinner that evening, I returned to my hotel room and began to seek God in my prayers. I was hoping to hear from God, and He was gracious. He led me once again to the Psalms of David where I read of His goodness.

Psalm 27.13-14

  13I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
14Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!

 Psalm 32.6-7

6Therefore let all who are faithful
offer prayer to you;
at a time of distress, the rush of mighty waters
shall not reach them.
7You are a hiding-place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with glad cries of deliverance.

God had spoken the words of reassurance that I needed thousands of years ago! God had not abandoned me at all- He had been  there all along offering His deliverance. The problem was that, all along I had been seeking a deliverance from the very thing that He was asking me to embrace. I had been seeking a deliverance from pain, but He was offering deliverance from His silence.


8 thoughts on “Embracing Pain

  1. I’m not sure that I understand what you mean by God meeting with you and speaking to you but I do know what you mean by him being silent. I try praying to him when I really really need him but it is like I am speaking to a wall. I never hear back from him. I guess it is kind of silly to actually expect to hear him but it is a yucky feeling to think that maybe god is out there and wants nothing to do with me and just keeps ignoring me. So when you pray and meet with him and such you are not saying that he really meets with you and talks to you and such right? Thats called meteforical right?

  2. Todd

    Aaron it was very nice to see you again last week. Thank you for pointing me to your blog. I’ve gone back and read it all. I am amazed at your strength in dealing with all of this. It was difficult for me to see you like this last week but this gives me some perspective into why you carried yourself so well and remained so positive all week long. I know that people probably have no idea how much you are suffering and how much pain you are in because you don’t let it show. That doesn’t surprise me because you always think of other people’s comfort over your own. I like the way you write. I knew before that your faith was real but your writing shoes me that it is more real than I expected. I’ll be coming back here often.

    • Fernando

      yes. BUT it is only those who are prepared that can see and capaitlize the chance given. The people who always blames god that there is no chance is absolutely wrong! If they haven’t prepared, work hard or think hard, how can they see the chance themselves, even if they see the opportunity is right in front of them, they wont have the skills, connection, knowledge or experience to take advantage of it.How sad!!!

  3. Serena/Todd…

    Sorry about the late response. I’m trying to catch up!

    Serena: It’s both metaphorical and literal. No, God does not talk to me but He does speak to me.

    I think the fact that you are trying to pray and speak to God is good. What are your expectations when you do this?

    Todd: It was nice to see you as well. Please do drop by often and share your own thoughts.

  4. george junior

    I do understand you.I have found that in my life,to embrace physical and emotional pain.To be grateful for all LIFE has to offer.Has drawn me into GODS presence.
    My results where that i found a sense of happiness.

    But as for today the greatest wound i have sulfured,is my heart being blown open.That to is a gift that LIFE has to offer…..I embrace my wounded heart.
    True love also feels like a wounded heart.It is a deep pain not of sorrow,but of true LOVE…….
    I now know what it means to LOVE MY FATHER WITH ALL MY HEART>>>>>

    Love YOU always;

  5. george junior

    Hmmm.I just cheaked the dates….
    And ask myself is the LORD working with all off us?

  6. george junior,

    Thank you so much for your comments. I do get the feeling that you have suffered (or are suffering) greatly. While my own pain is not emotional pain, I can relate to the effects of your pain. Our God is like no other- yes, He even allowed himself to feel the dreadful effects of emotional pain. I imagine that Christ too felt as if His heart was blown open when Judas betrayed him; and again when Peter denied him and ultimately on the cross with His death cry: “My God! My God! WHY hast Thou forsaken me??!!

    This is the cry of a God who understands us. This is a God who understands what it is to be betrayed and rejected and unjustly persecuted. he sympathizes with us in our weakness- He provides a way out. Thank you for your comments george junior. Please do continue to stop by to visit.

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