Solitude and The Divine Silence
Thank you to all who have been praying since my last post. I recently had to spend a few days away from home, and this time away from the routine allowed me to spend a lot of my time in solitude. It was exactly what I needed in order for God to breathe new life into me. On the morning after I arrived, God met with me in my solitude and quietly led me to the Psalms of David.
But I, O Lord, cry out to you;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
14O Lord, why do you cast me off?
Why do you hide your face from me?
15Wretched and close to death from my youth up,
I suffer your terrors; I am desperate.
Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud,
be gracious to me and answer me!
8‘Come,’ my heart says, ‘seek his face!’
Your face, Lord, do I seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me.
Although my circumstances were very different from David’s, I found myself relating to his desire for God to meet with him, and with his frustration with the silence he was receiving from God. I don’t know whether God was silent or if I was deaf, but the effect was the same. I wanted desperately to hear from God. I was thirsty for His presence and hungered for His fellowship.
The Dread of Divine Abandonment
A haunting feeling of dread accompanied me all day long as I considered the possibility that God had abandoned me in my suffering. Had I sinned against God, causing Him to turn His back on me? What must I do in order to regain God’s favor? How do I repent if I have searched my heart and found no evidence of hostility against God and His ways? Was this all a result of my medication? Is it possible that the physical affect of a medication also affected my soul? Whatever the reason, I knew that I did not want to continue to feel as if God had abandoned me in my suffering.
The Divine Speaks!
After dinner that evening, I returned to my hotel room and began to seek God in my prayers. I was hoping to hear from God, and He was gracious. He led me once again to the Psalms of David where I read of His goodness.
13I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
14Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!
6Therefore let all who are faithful
offer prayer to you;
at a time of distress, the rush of mighty waters
shall not reach them.
7You are a hiding-place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with glad cries of deliverance.
God had spoken the words of reassurance that I needed thousands of years ago! God had not abandoned me at all- He had been there all along offering His deliverance. The problem was that, all along I had been seeking a deliverance from the very thing that He was asking me to embrace. I had been seeking a deliverance from pain, but He was offering deliverance from His silence.
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