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Thirsting for righteousness

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You know that feeling that you get when you gaze upon the face of God and see His holiness?

It starts with a feeling of awe, but quickly turns to dread because, even though you are gazing into the face of God, you can still see yourself and your sin.

Then you remember the cross and it’s all you can do to contain yourself to keep yourself from jumping up in the middle of your silence and let out a big WAAAAHHHHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

. . . but even still, all I can manage is a lowly tear.

I often wonder if I am deficient in emotion. You know those people who, at the mere mention of the cross, begin to weep? Sometimes I want to be that person. I am not that person.

We sing this song in church. The words say something about wanting to be in God’s arms of love “. . . holding me close . . . holding me near. . . in your arms of love”. . . you know the song right?

I don’t understand that song. I don’t relate to God in that way. I don’t relate to anyone in that way. I don’t want to be held. I’m not even convinced that God relates to us in this way. He is spirit- not a body/soul unity like we are. What I do want is for God to look at me and, despite the ugliness of all my sin, I want him to find favor with me.

Remember the story of Jacob at Peniel? He wrestled with God all night and when God tried to leave, he refused to let him go. Despite being broken, he mustered up all of his remaining strength and clung to God with everything that he had left. . .begging with tears to be blessed. Hosea 4.12 gives a clearer picture of what kind of “blessing” Jacob was seeking.

Yes, he wrestled with the angel and prevailed;
He wept and sought His favor
He found Him at Bethel
And there He spoke with us,

That’s what I’m talking about. I simply want His favor.

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